A Day In the Life of the Akatsuki's
by we are anonymous we are legion
Summary: my 1st toruture fanfic involves torturing characters in the FUNNIEST way possible authors double as OC's for example, go to and look for the author Nightmare the god of war or Sin the dark preistess and read 1 of their fanfics. the site is
1. new recruite and Itachi is defeated

a/n …my 1st torture Fanfic…AND THE AKATSUKI'S ARE MY TARGET!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_Italics _ dream sequence/thought

_**Disclaimer**_: I do not own Naruto…but if I did, Itachi would have suffered **horrible** torture and died the funniest possible death at Sasuke's hands…

end of a/n

[Akatsuki hideout, meeting room

9 of the 10 Akatsuki's were there..…. Paine (the leader) had told them that there would be a meeting today…

Ronan: ……….

Itachi: ………..

Kisame: …………….

Zetsu: …….

Deidara: …………

Sasori: ………………………………………………..

Hidan: ………………………….

Kakuzu: looking nervously from left to right, and vice-versa…repeatedly……………………………………………………………

Tobi: ………….. what …the… HELL IS TAKING HIM SO LONG!?

finally, 2 hours after the meeting was supposed to start, Paine finally appeared…

Tobi: inhales as if to start speaking…

Paine: … I know I'm late Tobi…but I had to make sure everything was ready…anyway…the reason that I have called this meeting is to announce that we now have… ANOTHER NEW MEMBER!!!

(Tobi only got in about less than a month ago)

Itachi: …fine……where is this "new member" anyway?…and WHO is he?

Paine: he should be here soon, and you will all find out who they are soon enough…

As if on cue, a portal appeared, and a young man garbed in royal, but random (and the author means…RAAANNDOMMMM) clothes, including a "king's crown", in which it's gems are encrusted in a "spiral-like" pattern…Oo…. and here he is - -

???: don't bother Paine-sempai… I'll introduce myself… addresses the whole group my name is Randoglious, Draconus III…

Itachi: …and your alias?

R., Draconus III: Oo …alias?

Paine: 00 oh that's right….examines Draconus III every member gets an alias once they join…

Tobi: I'm Tobi, and my alias is "the good boy" for the following reason…TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!!!

Hidan: Hidan, aka "the Immortal Zealot"

Kakuzu: Kakuzu, aka "the$ Greedy$ Master$ of$ Tentacle$ Pr0n$"

Ronan: Ronan, aka "[unknown"

Deidara: Deidara, the… do I have to say it? It's bad enough not having my arms…but why does everyone make me relive those horrible moments!?

(everyone but Deidara): Oo…………..……………….XD SORRY DEIDARA, THE ARMLESS ONE!!!

Deidara: O oh yeah? Well I won't be "armless" for long….oops…better stop before I spoil the whole future…MOVING ON WITH THE INTRO'S!!!

Sasori: …Sasori…the……Master of Puppets…

Paine: …and, of course, you already know who I am…PAINE, AKA, "THE LEADER"…….so…we still need to think of an alias for you…how 'bout "spiral lord"?

Draconus III: ……… HELL NOOOO!!!!!!

Paine: oookaaaay………than let's try "King of Randomness" - -

Draconus III: yesssssss…that's it….it's perfect…_especially since it IS my actual title….._

Paine: Oo…anyway, you will be going with Itachi, Kisame, Zetsu, and Tobi…..

King of Randomness: rubbing hands together and smiling evilly goooooooooooooooooooood………….

(Everyone but KoR): Oo

Paine: Oo……………. Oo??? what…was that?

KoR: nothing!……But just so you know, some boy named Yamata, Shiro will be moving in also, so that he can "FIIIINAAALLY GET THE F AWAY FROM 'THE WORST FATHER IN THE WORLD'"……

(everyone): Oo _WTF????????????_

2 minutes later…

Paine: Oo…….who did you say his father was again?

KoR: ……………You wouldn't believe me if I told you… and you wouldn't want to know anyway…….

(everyone): yes, we do so just say it or we'll tap your phone(s), place bugs EVERYWHERE, and have someone spy on you 24/7!!!!!!!!!!

KoR: ………..ok……but I will only say it once…………..his father is………….Orochimaru…….

(All): OO WTF!?

KoR: told you so…….however…on the night of conception, Orochimaru was STONED OUT OF HIS MIIIINNNNNND!!!!!!!!!!explains to the others that when Orochimaru is **drunk**, he's gay; when he's **sober**, he's bi, and when he's "**STONED OUT OF HIS MIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNND**, he'll have, at the least, 27 women in his bed in one night

(everyone): OO………………….

Tobi, Zetsu, Itachi, and Kisame: Oo …………that…………explains a lot……………

later that day…

[lounge

Itachi and KoR are playing "Through Fire and Flames" by Dragonforce on Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock…………..in "guitar battle" mode, Itachi is on 'hard', while playing as 'Lou'; and KoR is on 'expert', while playing as 'Slash' (yes, you can play as him in GH III: Legends of Rock); Itachi is loosing, and the song is almost over; the others are watching in amazement and disbelief.

(everyone except Itachi and KoR): OO ……………………….._how the hell is Itachi loosing!? Who the HELL IS THIS GUY!?_

Song ends, Itachi had BARELY made it through…

(TV screen): DEATH MATCH!!!

Song starts again

KoR: gets battle power- Death Drain (only available if you enter Death Match), and uses it

Itachi: OO ….oh crap……

Itachi…you die in 3…2…1…

(screen): PLAYER 1 ROCKS!!!

KoR: play again?

Itachi: THAT ROUND WAS A FLUKE!!! WE CHANGE SONG NOW!!!!

KoR: okay…goes to "'guitar battle vs. Lou'"

The new song starts…

2 hours later…

KoR: Oo…..you can't call it a fluke anymore Itachi…I beat you on **every** song THREE FING TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!…face it Itachi…you loose…and for this, you have to……….turn Sasuke into THE Trogdor the Burninator!!!

Itachi: Oeye twitch _WTFFFFFFFFF!!!??? HE F WIPED THE FLOOR WITH ME!!!!…oh well…might as well accept his punishment_ ………….is that…….. "fire-included?…

KoR: yes…and it has to be in Orochimaru's mansion… with Orochimaru in it…….

Itachi: OO…_SON OF A B!!!!!!!1!!1111!!!!!one!!!!_…….. ok I'll do it…but can I get help from maybe one of the authors over at of course! But you and ONLY YOU are aloud to do it! (in other words, you may have one of those authors have you do it…)

Itachi: Oeye twitch…fine…………..

a/n so… how'd it go (in your eyes)? Review……….if you can stop laughing long enough to do it….end of a/n


	2. Itachi looses evn more something else

a/n wearing a long, plain black robe and holding a book titled "Necronomicon" clears throat _**ACHNARASH HALLUB ADVUU!!**_ hears sounds of "Braaaaaaaaiiiiiiinss" OO… I got the wrong incantation…

_**Bold italics **_foreign/dead languages

_Italics _ dream sequence/thought

_**Disclaimer**_: I do not own Naruto…but if I did, Itachi would have suffered **horrible** torture and died the funniest possible death at Sasuke's hands…I do not own "Guitar Hero", DDR[ authors, M.U.G.E.N., M.U.G.E.N., or "Halo"

end of a/n

[lounge

Itachi had been beaten 3 days ago, still unable to accept the reality that he lost…he and KoR are now staring at each other…

Itachi: stares at KoR 

KoR: stares at Itachi

Kisame: holding a half-eaten sandwich, enters room…sees Itachi and KoR how long do you 2 plan on keeping this up!?

KoR: until he excepts the fact that I beat him in Guitar Hero and fulfils his part of the "punishment"…

Itachi: /\ KING OF RANDOMNESS!! I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DDR BATTLE!!!

KoR: Oo wtf!?

Kisame: he's the king of DDR and he only challenges others if they beat him in something else…

KoR: oh…ok… ITACHI!!! YOUR ON!!!!1!

Kisame: …

[Arcade, DDR machines

KoR: :) so…Itachi…which machine, and which songs?

Itachi: you know the one…and as for the song, "Legend of Max"…"Xepher"…and "Legend of Max" again…

KoR and Itachi get onto the platforms, the songs start, Itachi on (heavy), which would give a normal man a heart attack, and KoR on (challenge), which would give Itachi a heart attack

10 min later

Itachi got AA rank, KoR got AAA rank, (on all three) leaving all stunned

Itachi: breathing heavily O/\O HOLY CRAP!!!HOW DID YOU- -HOW CAN YOU- -WHYYYY!!!!!????????????

KoR: panting lightly I'm just better than you, that's all…

Itachi: Oo we're going to have to prove that for every game in the world then…

7 days later

Itachi: O/\O HOLY SHT!!! YOU BEAT ME IN ALL THE GAMES!!!!M.U.G.E.N., HALO…ALL OF THEM!!!!HOW DO YOU DO THIS!!!???!?!?!?

KoR: like I said… I'm just better than you…

Itachi: forms seals

KoR: Oo Itachi…what are you doing?

Itachi: continues forming seals…at first it will hurt… but I have to give you this gift…

KoR: OO

Itachi: /\ FLESH IMMITATION JUTSU!!

KoR: AAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!keels over in pain

Itachi: …now you too have the powers of the mangekyo sharingon. I have put it in your left eye for reasons yet unknown…

Greed from Fullmetal Alchemist appears in his Ultimate shield, and kicks Itachi were the sun don't shine

Itachi: O/\O GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!1!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!1!!!one!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!2! keels over in pain (high pitched) OH MY GOD…OW MY BALLS!!I DON'T THNK THERE WILL BE ANY FUTURE ITACHI'S ANY TIME SOON!!!!!!!!!!

Greed: oh come on…Itachi! Hey, Itachi!

Itachi: (still high pitched) :0 what!?

Greed: XD you just got kicked in the nuts!

Itachi: not funny

--previews—

KoR: GOUKAI!!!

Deidara: OO oh crap…

-----------------

KoR: hey Sephiroth, what are you doing at the Akatsuki base?

Sephiroth: I'm here to answer the "help wanted" ad…

--------------

Itachi: were are we!?

KoR: looks around looks like we're in Limbo…

(everyone): OO

-----------------------------------------

a/n

Itachi: still hurts… needs ice…limps away

KoR: still hurts…need…eye drops…goes to pharmacy

end of a/n


	3. HALO, more new members, and Limbo

a/n

ok… take 2! Snaps fingers, is now wearing same long, black robe, the "Necronomicon" is on an alter_** KLAATU VERATA N—**_wait… what was it again?…Necro… nectro…nectar… oh screw it… _**KLAATU VERATA N- -**_(coughing) ok then…that's it…grabs book, ground starts shaking O.O WHAT THE HELL!? I SAID YOUR MAGIC WORDS!

_Italics_: thought/dream sequence txt

_**Bold italics**_: (foreign/dead languages)/incantations/[(bijuu's) voice in thought/dream

**Bold**: bijuu's voice

Underlined: song lyrics

Etc.

end of a/n

(lounge)

KoR and Itachi are sitting in chairs on opposite sides of the room, KoR is wearing a headband over his eye

KoR: \\ you know, you didn't have to do that…

Itachi: O/\o why not?

KoR: \\ I already have a kekei genkai…randomnigon (pronounced rand-om-ni-gon)…it can copy any ability… even another kekei genkai' s…and that includes Tsukyomi and Amatarasu… but that flesh imitation jutsu…because of that, I am now weaker…

Itachi/\ looks at KoR's headband …O/\o hey KoR… why isn't your headband scratched like everyone else's?…

KoR: \\ because in my country, the Kingdom of the Randomness, I am a king, and kings do not have scratched headbands…

Itachi/\…O/\O you're an 'author'…aren't you?

KoR: \\ ……no…

Itachi: O/\O I KNEW IT! YOU'RE AN 'AUTHOR!! OH SNAP! YOU'RE HERE TO RUIN OUR LIVES!! OH SNAP!!

KoR: \\…puts on sunglasses, takes out a neuralizer (that flashy-thing from M.I.B.) HEY ITACHI! LOOK!!

Itachi: looks at KoR O/\o ???

KoR: presses button, a flash of light is seen

Itachi/\ eyes go blank

KoR: removes sunglasses

Itachi: …………..KoR? what are you doing here!?

KoR: …I'm about to ask you if you're up for some online HALO 2…

Itachi/\ you bet!!!

(KoR's room)

Itachi:…so…how do you know Shiro?

KoR: o\\ ???

KoR: I don't know what you're talking-- OH! FRAGGED!

Guy: talking through headset YOU FKING HACKER!!

KoR: through headset You just suck is all

Itachi: O/\o whoa

KoR: \\ Yeah the headset can make things hilarious, oh here's another 12 year old from California…good thing Nightmare just got shot…in the head by Loz…XD with a handgun! And won't be able to take our kills!!

Itachi: XD Castle Oblivion, Nightmare's room)

Nightmare: aachoooooo!!

Roxas: Oo something wrong?

Nightmare: just got the feeling someone was talking about me…and I mean an author…

Roxas: OO

(back with us)

Kid:shooting wildly DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!!!

KoR aims the sniper rifle and fires, it kills the kid instantly

KoR:\\ too easy!

Itachi: O/\O ACK! Nightmare help me out, some guy is shooting-- OH MY GOD!!!

KoR: o\\ wow he's good, let's see what I can do

KoR fires at the new player but misses, the new player aims the handgun and gets a headshot, killing KoR

KoR: O\\ Sin's Tower)

Yazoo: HEY SEPH! I JUST GOT YET ANOTHER HEADSHOT WITH A HANDGUN!!

(back with us)

Itachi/\…so…back to our original discussion- how do you know Shiro?

KoR: O\\ ???

Itachi: you can't fool me!! I used to be his sensei…/\ good times…gooooood tiiiimmmesss…

KoR: -\\ he's currently a kind-of-adopted son to me…

Itachi: O/\o

KoR: \\ Orochimaru, his father disowned him…

Itachi: …..oh yeah…that's right…

Paine: (through P.A.) #everyone report to the meeting room A.S.A.P. that is all.#

KoR: O\\ what could he want?

Itachi: Oo I don't know…

KoR: lets find out then…

(meeting room)

everyone (including Paine) is there…

Paine: I have called you all here because--

Kakuzu: you want to give me 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 yen?

(Everyone but Paine and KoR): OO O\\ O/\O (on verge of "cracking up")

Paine: Oo no it is not--

KoR: (delayed reaction) .\\ OY!!! NOBODY STEALS MY THUNDER WHEN IT COMES TO RANDOMNESS AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!! AS PUNISHMENT, I WILL…picks Kakuzu's pockets and steals his money

Kakuzu: TT HEY!!! NO FAIR!!!

KoR: (continuing from last bit) DO SOMETHING UNBELIEVABLY RANDOM! faces Deidara Forms seals GOUKAI!!! (meaning "Grand Release")

Deidara: O.O oh crap…is engulfed in a cloud of smoke, when smoke clears it reveals that Deidara is, in fact, a woman…

(everyone but KoR, Tobi, and Deidara): OO… (this time they do "crack up") XD ahahahahahhahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahah rofl!!!

Tobi: _O.O holy crap!! She is hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, HOT! I've GOT to ask her out…_

Deidara: T.T _NOOOOO!! My life is ruined! Oh the HUMILLIATION! If a "stoned" Orochimaru finds out, I'll lose my virginity to a pedophile!!…but… in these eyes…Tobi does… look kind of…cute…_

(everyone but Paine, Tobi, KoR, and Deidara): XD continues laughing

Paine: . SILENCE!!!

(Everyone): O.O O.\\ O/.\O

Paine: now… as I was saying, the reason I called you all here is because…well…you all know what happened with Itachi and H.R.R.M. (His Royally Random Majesty) with the whole "Guitar Hero" thing right? Well--

suddenly, an orb of darkness appears in the center of the room…and clears, thus revealing…

KoR: O.\\ SEPHIROTH!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?

Sephiroth: (in his usual blank expression) I'm here to answer the "help wanted" ad…

(everyone): O.o O.\\ O/.\O

15 minutes later…

Paine: congratulations, Sephiroth, and welcome to Akatsuki . _O. I can't believe I just did that… in fact, something's up with that KoR guy, How does he know Sephiroth, and why wasn't he disturbed when I read Sephiroth's resume? I mean- that guy makes Itachi look like an angel, AND HE KILLED HIS ENTIRE FAMILY!! That's it! KoR must be an "author"… I will have to interrogate him later…but for now, at least we'll have the jinchuuriki's (sp?) captured at least a little quicker…_

portal suddenly opens, pulling everyone in

Itachi: /.\ SEPHIROTH!!!

Sephiroth: O.O it's not me, I swear that's not me…

Everyone gets ko'ed

everyone gets up and starts to examine their surroundings

Itachi: were are we!?

KoR: looks around looks like we're in Limbo…

(everyone): OO

-----------previews---------------

KoR: wait! Before anyone kills anyone, we must review the situation! Then solve it…and then we kill

(everyone): O.o O/.\o

----------------------------------------------------------------

KoR/Fagin: I'm reviewing

The situation--

Shiro/Artful Dodger: if you're a villain, you're a villain till the end!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sasuke: slowly starts to 'transform', when it's complete, we find that he has become…TROGDOR, THE BURNINATOR!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a/n

yep… just another day in Akatsuki…

end of a/n


	4. Limbo and Trogdorsasuke's revenge

a/n

…your probably thinking "who's Trogdor"? (from chapter 1) aren't you? Well… if you want to know…. Just go to http/ and then you'll also find out who created the BURNINATOR!

_Italics_: thought/dream sequence txt

_**Bold italics**_: (foreign/dead languages)/incantations[(bijuu's) voice in thought/dream

**Bold**: bijuu's voice

Underlined: song lyrics

_**Disclaimer**_: I do not own Naruto, Trogdor, The Divine Comedy, Oliver Twist/_"Oliver!"_, or anything else but Shiro and myself…

end of a/n

[last time: 

everyone gets up and starts to examine their surroundings

Itachi: were are we?

KoR: looks around looks like we're in Limbo…

(everyone): OO

Itachi: /.\ SEPHIROTH! I'LL KILL YOU!

everyone but KoR gangs up on Sephiroth

Sephiroth: O.O

(everyone but KoR and Sephiroth): :)

KoR: gets between Seph and the other Akatsuki's wait! Before anyone kills anyone, we must review the situation! Then solve it…and then we kill

(everyone): O.o O/.\o

Sephiroth: O.o uh… Y.R.R.M., WHAT THE F ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WHEN YOU SAY "REVIEW THE SITUATION"?

KoR: … this goes WAY back…anyway… you remember the character 'Fagin' from _"_Oliver_!"_?

(everyone): yeah

KoR: well before I was even the guy you all see today I was the character 'Fagin' in the movie version of this…

(flashback)

(we find ourselves at the set of _"Oliver!"_, Thieves' Den set)

[FAGIN: (somewhat like a whisper) You've got to pick a pocket or two, boys,… you've got to pick a pocket or two…

Director: aaaaaannnnnnd cut! Great show Draconus!

Fagin removes a mask, revealing yours truly, Randoglious, Draconus III (aka, the King of Randomness)

[Draconus III/FAGIN: really?

Director: yeah, it's almost like you've done something like this before…

[Draconus III/ FAGIN: (different tone): :) really?

Director: yes!… ok, now we're going to do the scene where Oliver meets dodger…SHIRO!

a VERY pale boy walks in, looks to be about konohamaru's age (internal a/n yes, this is Yamata, Shiro…end of internal a/n)

[Shiro: yeah?

Director: Your time to shine! Ok… it's "Consider Yourself", then "Reviewing the Situation I", and finally, "Reviewing the Situation II"…after that, I'll get 'him' and the others, so we can do "Oom-Pah-Pah", and last but not least, ' Bill Sykes' ' solo: "My Name"…Konohamoru!

Konohamoru walks in

[Konohamoru: yeah?

Director: You and Shiro' time to shine!

K S: ok…form seals _**HENGE**_ (transform)!

Konohamoru becomes 'Oliver Twist' and Shiro becomes 'The Artful Dodger'

now at the "slums of London" set

Director: aaaaaannnnnnd action!

[Shiro/DODGER (spoken): …oh and by the way, I'm introducing you to Fagin!

[Konohamaru/OLIVER (spoken): Are you sure Mr. Fagin won't mind?

[Shiro/DODGER (spoken): Mind!  
(sung)  
Consider yourself at home.  
Consider yourself one of the family.  
We've taken to you so strong.  
It's clear we're going to get along.  
Consider yourself well in  
Consider yourself par to the furniture.  
There isn't a lot to spare.  
Who cares?..What ever we've got we share!

If it should chance to be  
We should see  
Some harder days  
Empty larder days  
Why grouse?  
Alsyas a-chance we'll meet  
Somebody  
To foot the bill  
Then the drinks are on the house!  
Consider yourself our mate.  
We don't want to have no fuss,  
For after some consideration, we can state...  
Consider yourself  
One of us!

Consider yourself...

[Konohamaru/OLIVER  
At home?  
  
[Shiro/DODGER: Consider yourself...

[Konohamaru/OLIVER: One of the family

[ENGLISH CAPTAIN: We've taken to you

[Konohamaru/OLIVER: So strong

[Might Guy/HAND WALKER: It's clear...we're...

[ALL: Going to get along  
  
[Shiro/DODGER: Consider yourself...

[CHARLIE BATES: Well in!

[Shiro/DODGER: Consider yourself...

[SNAKE: Part of the furniture

[Konohamaru/OLIVER: There isn't a lot (Shiro/DODGER joins in here) to spare

[ALL: Who cares?  
Whatever we got we share

[Shiro/DODGER: Nobody tries to be lah-di-dah or uppity--  
There a cup-o'-tea for all.

[ALL: Only it's wise to be handy wiv a rolling pin  
When the landlord comes to call!  
  
[Shiro/DODGER: Consider yourself  
Our mate.  
We don't want to have no fuss

[ALL: For after some consideration we can sate

[Konohamaru/OLIVER: Consider yourself

[Shiro/DODGER: Yes!

[ALL: One of us!

[COMPANY: Consider yourself at home...  
Consider yourself part of the family

We've taken to you so strong.  
Its clear we're going to get along

Consider yourself well in...  
There isn't a lot to spare  
If it should chance to be  
We should see  
Some harder days  
Empty larder days --  
Why grouse?  
Always a chance we'll meet  
Somebody  
To food the bill --  
Then the drinks are on the house!

Consider yourself our mate.  
We don't want to have no fuss  
For after some consideration, we can state...  
Consider yourself...  
One of us!

[Shiro/DODGER: Consider yourself

[ALL: At home.

[Shiro/DODGER: We've taken to you

[ALL: So strong

[Shiro/DODGER: Consider yourself

[ALL: Well in.  
There isn't a lot to spare.  
Nobody tries to be lah-di-dah or uppity.  
There's a cup-o'-tea for all  
Only it's wise to be handy wiv a rolling pin  
When the landlord comes to call

Consider yourself our mate  
We don't want to have no fuss  
For after some consideration we can state  
Consider yourself  
One of us...

For after some consideration we can state  
Consider yourself...  
One of us!

If it should chance to be  
We should see some harder days,  
Empyt larder days,  
Why grouse?  
Always a chance we'll meet  
Somebody to flip the bill.  
Then the drinks are on the house.

Consider yourself at home.  
Consider yourself one of the family.  
We've taken to you so strong.  
It's clear we're going to get along.  
Consider yourself well in.  
Consider yourself part of the furniture.  
There isn't a lot to spare.  
Who cares?  
Whatever we've got we share.

If it should chance to be  
We should see some harder days,  
Empty larder days,  
Why grouse?  
Always a chance we'll meet  
Somebody to flip the bill.  
Then the drinks are on the house.

Consider yourself our mate.  
We don't want to have no fuss  
For after some consideration we can state  
Consider yourself...  
One of us!

Director: aaaaaannnnnnd cut! PERFECT! Konohamoru, Shiro, its like you two were BORN to play your parts!

K S: . WOOOT!

Director: and the same thing goes for you Sasuke-san!

[Sasuke/ENGLISH CAPTAIN: really?

Director: yep! But I can't wait to see you when you kill 'Bill Sykes'!

[Sasuke/ENGLISH CAPTAIN: :)

Director: now…

(back at the "Thieves' Den" set)

director: ACTION!

[Draconus III/FAGIN: A man's got a heart, hasn't he?  
Joking apart -- hasn't he?  
And though I'd be the first one to say that I wasn't a saint...

I'm finding it hard to be really as black as they paint...

I'm reviewing the situation  
Can a fellow be a villain all his life?  
All the trials and tribulations!  
Better settle down and get myself a wife.  
And a wife would cook and sew for me,  
And come for me, and go for me,  
The fingers, she will wag at me.  
The money she will take me.  
A misery, she'll make from me...

...I think I'd better thing it out again!

A wife you can keep, anyway  
I'd rather sleep, anyway.  
Left without anyone in the world,  
And I'm starting from now  
So "how to win friends and to influence people"  
--So how?

I'm reviewing the situation,  
I must quickly look up ev'ryone I know.  
Titled people -- with a station --  
Who can help me make a real impressive show!  
I will own a suite at Claridges,  
And run a fleet of carriages,  
And wave at all the duchesses  
With friendliness, as much as is  
Befitting of my new estate...

"Good morrow to you, magistrate!" Oh gawd!

...I think I'd better think it out again.

So where shall I go -- somebody?  
Who do I know? Nobody!  
All my dearest companions  
Have always been villains and thieves...  
So at my time of life  
I should start turning over new leaves...?

I'm reviewing the situation.  
If you want to eat -- you've got to earn a bob!  
Is it such a humiliation  
For a robber to perform an honest job?  
So a job I'm getting, possibly,  
I wonder who my boss'll be?  
I wonder if he'll take to me...?  
What bonuses he'll make to me...?  
I'll start at eight and finish late,  
At normal rate, and all..but wait!  
I think I'd better think it out…

…I think I'd better think it out again.

What happens when I'm seventy?  
Must come a time...seventy.  
When you're old, and it's cold  
And who cares if you live or you die,  
Your one consolation's the money  
You may have put by...

I'm reviewing the situation.  
I'm a bad 'un and a bad 'un I shall stay!  
You'll be seeing no transformation,  
But it's wrong to be a rogue in ev'ry way.

I don't want nobody hurt for me,  
Or made to do the dirt for me.  
This rotten life is not for me.  
It's getting far too hot for me.  
Don't want no one to rob for me.  
But who will find a job for me,  
There is no in between for me  
But who will change the scene for me?

...I think I'd better think it out again!

Hey!

Director: cut!

("Hutchington square, London/slums of London" set)

[Draconus/Fagin III: Can somebody change?  
It's possible.  
Maybe it's strange...  
But it's possible.  
All my dearest companions and treasures --  
I've left 'em behind...  
I'll turn a leaf over, and who can tell what I may find?

starts walking away

[Shiro/DODGER: appears before Draconus III/FAGIN

[Draconus III/FAGIN: well?

[Shiro/DODGER: hands Draconus III/Fagin some wallets

[Draconus III/FAGIN: and how did you come by this?

[Shiro/DODGER: I told you: "I'm the best"…

[Draconus III/FAGIN: hmm…looks at wallet…hmm …stars looking up…: I'm reviewing… The situation--

[Shiro/DODGER: if you're a villain, you're a villain till the end!

about 10 seconds later

[Shiro/DODGER[Draconus III/FAGIN: …I think we'll have to think it out again! HEY!

Director: cut!…O.O and now…for the next ones…….everyone to the "Three Cripples" set!

(set of "Oliver!", "Three Cripples")

the director, Shiro, Draconus III, the fellow pick-pockets, a few "by-standers", and some other people are there…

Director: o.o ok..takes out cell phone, dials number

#Itachi: hello?#

Director: yes…Itachi…I need you to get that one woman you let live… you know…the one that's playing 'Nancy'? Well… take her to the "Three Cripples" set…

#Itachi: ok…see yeah at the set#

Director: hangs up …. _why did I have to hire him?_

five minutes latereveryone but Shiro, Itachi, Konohamoru, and Sasuke are on set

[CHAIRMAN: (spoken) Ladies and gentlemen, brethren and sinners all! I call upon our Goddess of the Virtues to give us her well known rendition of the old school song -- Oom-Pah-Pah!

[NANCY:(spoken) All right, shut up, you lot! A bit of culture now! 'Ere we go...

(sung) There's a little ditty  
They're singing in the city  
Especially when they've been  
On the gin  
Or the beer  
If you've got the patience,  
Your own imaginations  
Will tell you just exactly what you want to hear...

[ALL: Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!  
That's how it goes,  
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!  
Ev'ryone knows.

[NANCY: They all suppose what they want to suppose  
When they hear...oom-pah-pah!

Mister Percy Snodgrass  
Would often have the odd glass --  
But never when he thought anybody could see.  
Secretly he'd buy it,  
And drink it on the quiet,  
And dream he was an Earl  
Wiv a girl on each knee!

[CUSTOMERS AND NANCY: Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!  
That's how it goes.  
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!  
Ev'ryone knows...  
  
[NANCY: What is the cause of his red shiny nose?  
Could it be...oom-pah-pah?

Pretty little Sally  
Goes walking down the alley,  
Displays her pretty ankles to all of the men.  
They could see her garters,  
But not for free-and-gratis--  
An inch or two, and then she knows  
When to say when!

[ALL: Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!  
That's how it goes.  
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!  
Ev'ryone knows...

[NANCY: Whether it's hidden, or whether it shows --  
It's the same...oom-pah-pah!  
She was from the country,  
But now she's up a gum-tree --  
She let a feller feed 'er, then lead 'er along  
What's the good o' cryin'?  
She's made a bed to lie in  
She's glad to bring the coin in,  
And join in this song!

[ALL: Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!  
That's how it goes!  
Oom-Pah-Pah! Oom-Pah-Pah!  
Ev'ryone knows. 

[NANCY: She is no longer the same blushing rose  
Ever since ... oom-pah-pah!

(spoken) Altogether now!  
(sung) There's a little ditty  
They're singing in the city  
Especially when they've been  
On the gin  
Or the beer  
If you've got the patience,  
Your own imaginations  
Will tell you just exactly what you want to hear... 

[COMPANY: Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!  
That's how it goes,  
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!  
Ev'ryone knows.  
They all suppose what they want to suppose  
When they hear...oom-pah-pah!

[ALL: Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!  
That's how it goes,  
Oom-pah-pah! Oom-pah-pah!  
Ev'ryone knows.

[NANCY: They all suppose what they want to suppose  
When they hear...oom-pah-pah

[ALL: Oom-pah-pah!

: sees someone in the window on the door O.O (somewhat like a whisper) BILL SYKES!

music starts

[BILL SYKES:Strong men tremble when they hear it!  
They've got cause enough to fear it!

It's much blacker than they smear it!  
Nobody mentions...  
My name!

Rich men hold their five-pound notes out --  
Saves me emptying their coats out.  
They know I could tear their throats out  
Just to live up to...  
My name!

Wiv me  
Jemmy in me hand,  
Lemme see the man who dares  
Stop me.  
Taking what I may  
He can start to say his prayers!

Biceps like an iron girder,  
Fit for doing of a murder,  
If I just so much as heard a  
Bloke even whisper...

My name!  
(spoken) Bill… Sykes!

(sung) Some git, slumming wiv his valet,  
Bumped into me in the alley  
Now is eyes'll never tally  
He'd never heard of ...  
My name!

One bloke  
Used to boast the claim  
He could take my name in vain...  
MUAHAHAHAHA!

Poor bloke...  
Shame 'e was so green  
Never was 'e seen again!

Once bad -- What's the good of turning?  
In hell, I'll be there-a-burning  
Meanwhile, thing of what I'm earning  
All on account of...  
My name!

What is it? What is it? What is it?

My… NAAAAAAAAAAAAME!

Director: aaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnd cut! You did great Itachi!

[BILL SYKES: …

director: ok you can stop now…sees Itachi boud and gaged behind set O.O uh…guys I think that's the REAL Bill Sykes…

[BILL: yup…

(end flashback)

[everyone: O.O O/.\O

[all but KoR and Itachi: stares at itachi

Itachi: what are you all looking at?

KoR: … guys… I don't think we should be staring… we still have to get out you know…

[everyone: nods in agreement

suddenly, the poets Dante Alighieri and Virgil pass by (in Dante's Inferno, part of the Divine Comedy, Dante must travel through Hell to escape a worse fate)

[everyone: O.O O/.\O

KoR: O.O I say we get out now…

[all: O.O O/.\O agreed…

several Hell hours later

they finally get out, but they find someone waiting at the exit…

Itachi: O/.\O SASUKE! YOU LACK HATRED!…and… you lack…holds out a cereal box labeled "Waffle Crisps" WAFFLE CRISPS! (insert "TA-DA" at the sound of "waffle crisps") you haven't had a perfectly balanced breakfast since I left, have you?

Sasuke: . AND HOW IS THAT MY FAULT? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOOK THE LAST BOX!

KoR: OY! Itachi! WEREN'T YOU SOPPOSED TO DO SOMETHING?

Sasuke: O.o

Itachi: O/.\O oh yeah…clears throat…TROGDOR!  


TROGDOR!

Trogdor was a man  
I mean, he was a dragon man  
Or maybe he was just a dragon

But he was still 

TROGDOR!  


TROGDOR!

Burninating the countryside,  
Burninating the peasants  
Burninating all the peoples  
And their thatched-roof COTTAGES!

THATCHED-ROOF COTTAGES!

guitar solo begins here(Whoa, this has wicked dueling guitar solos!  
It's like, Squeedly versus Meedley over here.  
Go Squeedly!  
Go Squeedly!  
SQUEEDLY WINS!)

When all the land is in ruin,  
And burnination has forsaken the countryside,  
Only one guy will remain.

My money's on TROGDOR!  
TROGDOR!

And then Trogdor comes in the NIIIGHT!

[Everyone: O.O looks at Sasuke…

Sasuke: slowly starts to 'transform', when it's complete, we find that he has become…TROGDOR, THE BURNINATOR!

everyone: o.o

KoR: bad idea…CHEESE IT!

As they flee, Trogdor gives chase, burninating everything in his wake…and then… 

Trogdor: :) burninates Itachi

Paine: o.o ITACHIIII!

Itachi: X/.\X (burninated)

Sakura: hugs Trogdor T.T PLEESE! RETURN TO THE SASUKE THAT I KNOW AND LOVE!

Trogdor: instantly turns back into Sasuke

Sasuke: … Sakura…sees the burninated remains O.O what…is that?

Sakura: …that WAS Itachi…until you turned into Trogdor and burninated him…

Sasuke: O.O I…did…THAT?

Sakura: yes…

Sasuke: but how did I change back?

Sakura: …oh Sasuke…3kisses Sasuke

Sasuke: O.O(surprised)…kisses back

[everyone else: O.O

KoR: GO! GO! GO!

-------------------previews------------------

a "the more you know" sign appears above KoR's previews----------------

too bad this isn't a hentai Fanfic…there would've been a GREAT lemon…


	5. Nobodies, Heartless, & a DEATH NOTE SHT!

A Day In the Life of The Akatsuki's

a/n

_**Bold italics**_: (foreign/dead languages)/incantations/(bijuu's) voice in thought/dream

**Bold**: bijuu's voice

Underlined: song lyrics

_**Disclaimer**_: (surrounded by lawyers)…looks around…I own nothing but and myself Yamata, Shiro…lawyers disappear I OWN IT ALL! (gets tackled by M.I.B.) DAMMIT!!

Shiro: YOU HL3

KoR: T.T all I wanted was a good disclaimer…

Shiro: …and now back to the story

end of a/n

Recap: _everyone escapes Limbo, the first circle of Hell, Itachi turns Sasuke into Trogdor, the BURNINATOR, only to get BURNINATED, Sakura turns Trogdor back into Sasuke, and Sasuke and Sakura "make-out"_

KoR: ok… since we've not only escaped Limbo, but we also now know that Sasuke can become "Troggy" (short for "Trogdor"), Sasuke has BURNINATED Itachi, thus killing him instantly, Orochimaru and Kabuto are dead, and Sasuke and Sakura are now officially engaged (not in the last chapter, but happened between the last one and this one)…any questions?

Tobi: …I…have one… what are we going to do about THEM!? points at an army of Heartless and an army of Nobodies, led by their respective …leaders

all: O.O

KoR: o.o I say…we FIGHT!

Paine: O.O ARE YOU F--ING CRAZY!? THEY'RE F--ING HEARTLESS AND F--ING NOBODIES!! THERE IS NO F--ING WAY WE CAN WIN!!

KoR: -.- uh…yes, there is…

Paine: …O.o and what is that?

KoR: -.- we fight… and pulls out a DEATH NOTE I use this, to kill their leaders!!

everyone: OO

Paine: O.O w-where d-did y-you g-g-get that!?

KoR: the head _**Shinigami**_ dropped it, I found it, and the head _**Shinigami**_ grew to like me, made me a _**Shinigami**_, and made me heir to his "throne", and when the time comes that I "take his place", Shiro will be my successor for the Kingdom of Randomness .!!

everyone: O.O

Naruto and co. at _**Konohagakure**_: O.O

heartless, nobodies and their leaders, Sora, Donald, Goofy, Cloud, Leon, Yuffie, Cloud, Tifa, and the rest of the KHII crew in gorge: O.O

sinners, demons, devils, and Dante and Virgil in Hell's 9 circles: O.O

DMC Dante, Virgil, Sparda, and Eva (DMC Dante and Virgil's mother) at some random place: O.O

DOTHACK crew in "The World" (mmorpg): O.O

Orochimaru's ghost and co. at _**Otogakure**_: O.O

Gaara and CO. at _**Sunagakure**_: O.O

Strong Bad and CO. in 'Strongbadia': O.O

Authors of : O.O

Authors of : O.O

you, the reader(s): O.O

dead people in graves/wherever: O.O

The Universe: O.O

everyone else: O.O

KoR: …-.- yeah…

--previews--

Shiro finally makes an appearance outside of "a/n's" and flashbacks

"The 'S' Is For SUCKS" Dragon: hey Trogdor!!

Trogdor: yeah?

"T'S'IFS"D: THE "S" IS FOR SUCKS!!

Trogdor: does an "anime-fall"

--end previews--

a/n

KoR: …and remember- ghosts and zombies are people too!… were anyway…

a "the more you know" sign appears above KoR's head

(/articles/blogs/WebsiteReviewsandYou/MoreYouKnow.jpg)

Shiro: yeah! Unlike those heartless and nobodies!…actually, some of them where, and others where once other kinds of creatures.

the same sign appears above Shiro's head

Sephiroth: BUT DEFINITLY NOT THOSE FREELOADING "STRONGBADIANS'!!

a "the more you know" sign doesn't appear above Seph's head

Sephiroth: What!? Strongbadians suck!

end of a/n


	6. sasusaku,naruhina,hanaoc,trogvstsifsd

a day in the laife of the akatsuki's chapt6

a/n

(dressed in black robe, the Necronomicon is before me) ……………………………………. _**KLAATU…VERATA…NECTO!!**_(grabs book) (quickly looks around, listening very hard)…(nothing) YES!!

O.O(txt)/((O.O))(txt): expression

((O.O)): (blushing)

object: what a card or piece of paper has written on it

Name: txt: what one person is saying

Name: txtName: txt: two people talking (saying different words) at the same time

(Parentheses): place/time/doing something whilst speaking/necessary info/hidden faq/etc

Brackets: person (unknown or otherwise)

CAPS BRACKETS: cast/crew/other

"Curly-brackets: "time-card"

_**Bold italics**_: (foreign/dead languages)/incantations/(bijuu's) voice in thought/dream

**Bold**: bijuu's voice

Underlined: song lyrics

_**Disclaimer**_: I own nothing but myself and Yamata, Shiro

end of a/n

(Konoha, memorial stone -12:00 am, post-time-skip)

Tsunade, Naruto, Hanabi, Hinata, and a person wearing a black cloak, with the hood covering his face are before the stone, Tsunade, Hinata, Hanabi, and Naruto on one side, and the cloaked person on the other…

Tsunade: Naruto! Go protect Hinata!

Naruto: HAI!

Naruto escapes with Hinata, who had fainted earlier

Tsunade: now…Hanabi! Can you see his face with your Beakugon!?

??: H-HANABI!?

Hanabi: ………

Hanabi activates her Beakugon, but cannot see through the cloak…

Hanabi: O.O w-w-what the!? I can't see through it! How can this be!?

??: H-H-HANABI-CHAN!? IS THAT REALLY YOU!?

Hanabi: O.o

Tsunade: O.o Hanabi…do you know this guy? And why did he jus call you Hanabi-chan?

Hanabi: ………….who…are you… and…HOW THE F-- DO YOU KNOW MY NAME!?

??: It's been so long….

Hanabi: O.o ??

??: don't you remember me? it's me…

?? removes his hood, revealing…

Shiro: it's me… Shiro….

Shiro finally makes an appearance outside of "a/n's" and flashbacks

Tsunade: O.O Shiro!?

Hanabi: SH-SH-SHIRO-KUN!?

Shiro: 3 HANABI-CHAN!Hanabi: 3 Shiro-KUN!

Hanabi and Shiro start running towards each other, and then they embrace….

Hanabi: 3 T.T(crying tears of joy) how long…how long has it been?

Shiro: 3 T.T(also crying tears of joy) three years… three long…long years…

Tsunade: O.o sorry to break up such a heartwarming reunion… but there are other matters to attend to!…(points) SUCH AS THAT!

Sasuke and Sakura walk in, hand-in-hand, from out of nowhere

Naruto and a recently awoken Hinata in a nearby tree: O.o

Shiro, Hanabi, and Tsunade: O.o

you, the readers: O.o

the two stand behind the memorial stone and start making out

(tree)

Naruto: O.o when did HE get here!?

Hinata: 3 ((O.O)) by the looks of thing, Naruto-kun, about a few months…

Naruto: -.-_…but why…why did they have to ruin such a beautiful moment though!?_

Hinata: 333 _OH! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!! JUST KISS HIM!!…_ OH NARUTO-KUN!!

Hinata kisses Naruto…

Hinata: 3 _Naruto-kun…I…I love you!!_

Naruto: ((O.O))(surprised)… _oh GOD! I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH HER!!_… 3 (kisses back) _oh Hinata-chan……._

eventually the kiss turns into a make-out session…

(back with Shiro, Tsunade, and Hanabi)

Tsunade: (intent on changing the subject, and breaking the awkward silence, for they were all staring at Sasuke and Sakura) so…Shiro…how's that "revolution" you've got going on in Otogakure?

Shiro: huh? Oh.. the Revolution? We won! .…T.T but for a price…

T+H: O.o ??

Shiro: T.T my poor brother…my poor, poor identical twin brother…

Hanabi: 3 (trying to comfort Shiro) oh Shiro-kun…(tightens the embrace, which for some reason, was left unbroken)

Shiro: …. but his death was not in vain……. for Orochimaru is dead!!

Tsunade: . WOOT!!

Hanabi: _oh I can't take it anymore!_ (kisses Shiro)

Shiro: O.O …3 _oh Hanabi-chan…_(kisses back)

(somewhere)

KoR: (watching through binoculars) T.T they grow up so fast…

Fem-Deidara+Tobi+Zetsu+Kisame: (also watching through binoculars (Tobi: Shiro and Hanabi), (fem-Deidara: same as Tobi), (Zetsu: Sasuke and Sakura), and (Kisame: Naruto and Hinata)) O.O _GO! GO!! GOOOO!!_

(back with Sasuke and Sakura)

Strong Bad, a guy with a keyboard, and a guitarist jump from out of the bushes

Sasuke: O.O

Sakura: O.o

Sasu+Saku: WTF!?

Strong Bad: :)

Sasuke: O.O RUN!!

(nobody had to be told twice, but Shiro and Sasuke stayed…)

2.5 minutes later

Strong Bad: …and then Trogdor comes in the NIIGHT!!

Shiro: …_oh sh- -_

Sasuke once again turns into Trogdor, but Shiro turns into the one, the only, "'The 's' is for SUCKS' Dragon"!!

"The 'S' Is For SUCKS" Dragon: hey Trogdor!!

Trogdor: yeah?

"T'S'IFS"D: THE "S" IS FOR SUCKS!!

Trogdor: does an "anime-fall"

Sasuke slowly starts turning back again…

Sasuke: O.o…(sees "T'S'IFA"D) O.O

KoR appears as if from nowhere…

KoR: _**GOUKAI!!**_ (grand release)

Sasuke: O.o

like Sasuke, Shiro too slowly changes back…

Sasuke: O.O…(sees red clouds on KoR's cloak) O.(eye twitch) _great…saved by an Akatsuki member…_

KoR hands Sasuke a card

card: Randoglious, Draconus III Kingdom of Randomness

titles: Author, King of Randomness, adoptive father of Shiro, owner of a Death Note, heir to Lord Shinigami's throne, status: spying on Akatsuki and writing a documentary

Sasuke: O.O

--previews--

(censored to prevent any spoilers)

--

a/n

…yeah… anyway…R&R!! .

end of a/n


	7. sheep fer

a day in the life of the akatsuki's

a/n

yeah…I know you're all probably angry that I censored the previews of the previous chapter…but bear with me on this…oh and by the way… Sephiroth is a VERY sore looser…

O.O(txt)/((O.O))(txt): expression

((O.O)): (blushing)

object: what a card or piece of paper has written on it

Name: txt: what one person is saying

Name: txtName: txt: two people talking (saying different words) at the same time

(Parentheses): place/time/doing something whilst speaking/necessary info/hidden faq/etc

Brackets: person (unknown or otherwise)

CAPS BRACKETS: cast/crew/other

"Curly-brackets: "time-card"

_italics_: thinking/dream/on non-communication based screens

_**Bold italics**_: (foreign/dead languages)/incantations/(bijuu's) voice in thought/dream/on a screen (not including communication-based ones)

**Bold**: bijuu's voice

Underlined: song lyrics

_**Disclaimer**_: I own nothing but myself and Yamata, Shiro

end a/n

(Akatsuki hideout, "den")

-KoR and Sephiroth are playing checkers, and then KoR takes a checker…-

Sephiroth: CHEATER!! YOU CAN'T BACKJUMP A CHECKER!! –smacks board into the fireplace-

KoR: . D--IT!! I WAS 'KINGED'!! –smacks table into fireplace (the fireplace is HUGE)-

Sephiroth: . 'KINGED' MY A--!!

Paine: -on the phone with Shiro, who is on a TV screen version of one anyway…only Shiro is visible- O.o are they always like this?

#Shiro: -.- yup…#

KoR: :) WELL MAYBE I SHOULD TELL THEM ABOUT THE SHEEP!!

Sephiroth: you wouldn't dare…

KoR: :) –snaps his fingers and a screen appears (the only "members" that know that KoR is an author are KoR himself, Sephiroth and Paine, who are all in this room, with nobody else there…)-

_(on the screen)_

_()_

_(Flashback from Sin's S.T.R.A.P. story)_

Anhel: . Don't be so sure Sephy... That sheep is still pretty pissed at  
you.

Everyone: O.O

Sin: Umm... Sephiroth... what sheep? what did you do?

Sephiroth: Nothing!

Aeris: You're scaring us.

Loz: T.T More like scarring us.

Yazoo: Seph, be honest... what did you do to the sheep?

Sephiroth: I SAID NOTHING!!

Anhel: . The wonders of 6 shots of good old Wutai Sake and a video camera.

Sephiroth: YOU TRICKED ME INTO SCREWING THAT SHEEP!!

Everyone: ...

Kadaj and Laleyena in Kalm town:

Rufus and Turks in the Shinra Building:

Hojo in secret lab: ...

the Planet: ...

Zack, Cloud's mother, Lucrecia, Ifalna and Yelitza in the LifeStream:

(At Ansem's castle...

Cloaked People: ...

Ansem: ...I've lost all respect for Sephiroth now.

Cloaked person 1: Hey! At least he got some!

Cloaked person 2: but, a sheep?

Cloaked person 3: He a pimp.)

Kakashi and Squad 7 in leaf village: ...

Inuyasha and crew and Naraku at his castle:

Zasalamel and SC crew: ...

DKOSE Nightmare: ...heh heh...

Ed, Al and military people in Central:

Homunculus: ...

Lust and Thanatos: ...dude...

Dante: ...

Jenova in Northern Crater: T--T ...I'm a  
grandmother...

WS: ...Continues fighting off zombies

Orochimaru's ghost:  
...daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmnnnnnnnnnnnnn

_(Back with everyone)_

Sparda, Vergil, and Eva: O.O

FMA crew: O.O

-Dante is rolling on the floor-

Dante: Oh help! I'm going to die laughing!

Sephiroth: Night...mare...

Nightmare: Yeah?

Sephiroth: -Swinging his Masamune at Nightmare- DIE #&!!

Nightmare: Can't touch me!

-Can't touch this starts to play-

Sephiroth: TURN OFF THE #)&( SONG OR YOU DIE NEXT!!

Hammer: O.O -backs away-

-Nightmare punches Seph in the stomach then throws him out the window-

Sephiroth: HA HA! I'M ALIVE!!

-Nightmare pushes Havoc out the window-

Havoc: Hey there beautiful...

Sephiroth: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!  


(back with us)

(all of the Akatsuki, even the dead ones): O.O

#Shiro: O.O –presses mute button just before he, Naruto, and Sasuke start rolling on the floor, laughing-#

(Shiro's end)

Shiro, Sasuke, and Naruto: -rolling on the floor- oh help! I'm going to die laughing!

(same could be said for the entire Hyuga estate, the Hokage's estate, the rest of Konohagakure, Gaara, Temari, Kankuro, and the rest of Sunagakure, Otogakure, etc)

(back with us)

Sephiroth: Drac…o…nus…

KoR: XD yeah?

Sephiroth: -Swinging his Masamune at KoR- DIE #&!!

KoR: Can't touch me!!

-"Can't Touch This" doesn't start-

KoR: what the f--!?

Hammer: -too scared to start the song-

Sephiroth: XP

KoR: -punches Seph in the stomach and throws him out a window…-

Sephiroth: HA! I'M STILL ALIVE!!

-KoR creates a portal similar to the Twilight Zone spiral, reaches in, grabs Havoc from FMA, and throws him out the same window-

Havoc: Hey there beautiful...

Sephiroth: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

--previews--

(also censored for spoilers)

--end of previews--

a/n

XD I love making Sephiroth suffer!!

Next time: Attack of the Fanpeople (fanboys and fangirls)!!

Itachi: (brought back just for this) OO FANPEOPLE!? NOOOOOO!!


	8. Attack of the Fanpeople

ADayintheLifeoftheAkatsuki'schapt8

a/n

you can expect to see the "time cards" as it would look on a military (24-hour no am/pm) clock…and yes I'll bring back Itachi for this…and add the characters of Metalocalypse! :) they'll kill all those evil Fanpeople!!

O.O(txt)/((O.O))(txt): expression

((O.O)): (blushing)

object: what a card or piece of paper has written on it

Name: txt: what one person is saying

Name: txtName: txt: two people talking (saying different words) at the same time

(Parentheses): place/time/doing something whilst speaking/necessary info/hidden faq/etc

Brackets: person (unknown or otherwise)

CAPS BRACKETS: cast/crew/other

"Curly-brackets: "time-card"

_italics_: thinking/dream/on non-communication based screens

_**Bold italics**_: (foreign/dead languages)/incantations/(bijuu's) voice in thought/dream/on a screen (not including communication-based ones)

**Bold**: bijuu's voice

Underlined: song lyrics

_**Disclaimer**_: I own nothing but myself and Yamata, Shiro

end of a/n

06:00

-the guys from DETHKLOK (Nathan Explosion, William Murderface, Toki Wartooth, Pickles the drummer, and Skwisgaar Skwigelf) enter the base and are made members, but stay an independent band-

06:55

Murderface: WILL YOU HURRY UP AND ADD THE F--ING STAGE ALREADY!?

KoR: -snaps his fingers and a stage/platform is added to the base- -- there happy now?

All: O.O

KoR: -puts on sunglasses and neurolizes them, then removes sunglasses- those instant stages come in handy!!

07:45

DETHKLOK: -starts hitting random notes while Nathan puts necronamic spell incantation into lyrics and sings them-

-as they play, a coffin comes out of the ground and opens at the end-

all but DEATHKLOK: OO

-the coffin opens, revealing…-

KoR: OO I-ITACHI!?

Paine O.O I-I T-THOUGHT Y-YOU W-WERE D-D-DEAD!!

Itachi: (examining himself) …I'm…alive…-turns to se DETHKLOK- Oo what are they doing here, and why are they wearing our uniform?

08:23

Itachi: …I see… so that's why I… live again…

KoR: o.o good thing too… LOOK! –points out a window-

(outside the window)

-…there's an army of demented Fanpeople…-

(back with us)

Itachi: THEY'RE HEADING STRAIGHT FOR KONOHA!!

Paine: AS THE LEADER, I ORDER US ALL TO GO TO KONOHA AND WARN THEM ABOUT THE FANPEOPLE, THEN HELP THEM!!

All: we will not fail you!!

-they all leave, for konohagakure…-

11:01

-Akatsuki arrive at konoha, looking scared for their lives…-

Itachi: (screaming like Paul Revere) O.O THE FANPEOPLE ARE COMING! THE FANPEOPLE ARE COMING!!

Guards: -looking at KoR-

KoR: it –pant- be –pant- true…

Guard one: sound the fanperson alarm!

Guard two: HAI! –disappears in a swirl of leaves-

11:05

-the alarm sounds (it resembles the shriek that fangirls make…)-

#Tsunade: all shinobi to your stations! This is not a drill! Repeat- this is not a drill!!#

11:57

-Cloud, Sora, Goofy, Donald, King Mickey, Riku, (surprisingly) Kairi, and Roxas join the ranks (in KH II, Kairi gets her own keyblade) of konoha-

17:59

-you can start to JUST be able to see the Fanpeople in the distance…-

Cloud: I never thought I would have to fight alongside you Sephiroth…

Sephiroth: neither did I… but eliminating those pesky Fanpeople takes precedence over everything else…

All: -nods in agreement-

Tsunade: _so they were telling the truth… they were coming…_

Sasuke: _so…DETHKLOK is responsible for Itachi-nii-teme living again…_

Shiro: (to Tsunade)…evacuate the village…the fanpeople WILL rape any non-author/non-O.C. being they get their hands on…

Tsunade: OO you know this HOW?

Shiro: I've seen it before… I just BARELY escaped…

Tsunade: and him? (Referring to KoR)

Shiro: I… Don't…know…_then again, he is an author_

Tsunade: so…what happens to O.C.'s and authors?

Shiro: if they don't fight back…they get torn apart…

19:55

-The civilians are evacuated, but even Gaara, Temari (out of love for Shikamaru), and Kankuru, of Sunagakure join to fight!-

20:23

-The fanpeople arrive, the most of fight is too graphic for those who don't have "pay-per-view"-

Fanboys: (pointing at Shiro) HE STOLE HANABI-SAN FROM US! GET HIM!!

20:25

Shiro: :) -forms seals- DEMONIC SUMMONING: HACHIBI NO YAMATA NO OROCHI- 3 HEADS, 8 TAILS!

-1/3 of the fanpeople in his area are killed before Shiro dismisses it…-

-there are still more fanpeople left-

(in Cloud and Sephiroth's area)

-KoR, Cloud, and Sephiroth are retreating…Cloud gets captured-

Fangirl1: take him for "snoo-snoo"

(a/n

XD Futurama joke!!

end a/n)

Cloud: NO! NOT AGAIN! NOT AGAAIIINNN!!

-KoR and Sephiroth are surrounded…-

KoR: don't worry I've got an idea…

Sephiroth: and what's that? Oo

KoR: HEY! IF YOU CAPTURE SEPHIROTH, HE'LL DANCE TO "I LIKE TO MOVE-IT-MOVE-IT" IN HIS BOXERS!! –gets away-

Sephiroth: T T DAMN YOU KING OF RANDOMNESS!!

04:59

KoR: so how about it?

Tsunade: what?

KoR: go down in a blaze of glory?

Naruto: it sure beats being trapped like rats

(everyone retreated to the Hyuga estate)

Hiashi: for once Naruto, I agree with you…

Tsunade: as soon as that door breaks down, we charge…

05:57

-the door finally breaks down, they charge, continuously cutting their way through seemingly endless fanpeople-

KoR: _will they ever end!?_

-just then, a light appears to the East…it's the Balrog called "Fluffy" (don't ask me, ask Nightmare, the God of War at ), and he's come to help, as well as the murderous crab, Ozwald!-

Cloud: we're saved!

Ozwald: :)

Cloud: we're doomed…

-eventually, with said Balrog and crab's help, all the Fanpeople are dead, after Troggy comes back (DETHKLOK played "Trogdor" when the door broke), and once they're all dead (BURNINATED or otherwise), everything goes back to normal, only Sasuke knows Itachi's weakness: the Paris Hilton album!

--previews--

Paine: if you had never cooked, this wouldn't have happened!!

--end previews--

a/n

…(insert Final Fantasy victory fanfare)…………………yeah………………..

end of a/n


	9. business check 1

Hmmm…only 2 reviews

a/n

Hmmm…only 2 reviews!? …Oh well…

end a/n


	10. death note rules and preview

a/n

a/n

…I know that I referenced DEATH NOTE, and did not explain the rules, so… here are some (if not all) of them:

1. The human whose name is written in the note shall die.

2. The note will not take effect unless the writer has the person's face in their mind when writing his/her name. Therefore, people sharing the same name will not be affected.

3. If the cause of death is written within 40 seconds of writing the person's name, it will happen.

4. If the cause of death is not specified, the person will simply die of a heart attack.

5. After writing the cause of death, details of the death should be written in the next 6 minutes and 40 seconds.

6. The note shall become the property of the human world, once it touches the ground of (arrives in) the human world.

7. The owner of the note can recognize the image and voice of its original owner, i.e. a god of death.

8. The human who uses this note can neither go to Heaven nor Hell.

9. If the time of death is written within 40 seconds after writing the cause of death as a heart attack, the time of death can be manipulated, and the time can go into effect within 40 seconds after writing the name.

10. The human who touches the Death Note can recognize the image and voice of its original owner, a god of death, even if the human is not the owner of the note.

11. The person in possession of the Death Note is possessed by a god of death, its original owner, until they die.

12. If a human uses the note, a god of death usually appears in front of him/her within 39 days after he/she uses the note.

13. Gods of death, the original owners of the Death Note, do not do, in principle, anything which will help or prevent the deaths in the note.

14. A god of death has no obligation to completely explain how to use the note or rules which will apply to the human who owns it.

15. A god of death can extend his life by putting human names on the note, but humans cannot.

16. A person can shorten his or her own life by using the note.

17. The human who becomes the owner of the Death Note can, in exchange of half of his/her remaining life, yet the eyeballs of the god of death which will enable him/her to see a human's name and remaining lifetime when looking through them.

18. A god of death cannot be killed even if stabbed in his heart with a knife or shot in the head with a gun. However, there are ways to kill a god of death, which are not generally known to the gods of death.

19. The conditions for death will not be realized unless it is physically possible for that human or it is reasonably assumed to be carried out by that human.

20. The specific scope of the condition for death is not known to the gods of death, either. So, you must examine and find out.

21. One page taken from the Death Note, or even a fragment of the page, contains the full effects of the note.

22. The instrument to write with can be anything, ( e.g. cosmetics, blood, etc.) as long as it can write directly onto the note and remains as legible letters.

23. Even the original owners of the Death Note, gods of death, do not know much about the note.

24. You may also write the cause and/or details of death prior to filling in the name of the individuals. Be sure to insert the name in front of the written cause of death. You have about 19 days (according to the human calender0 in order to fill in a name.

25. Even if you do not actually possess the Death Note, the effect will be the same if you can recognize the person and his/her name to place in the blank.

26. The Death Note will not affect those under 780 days old.

27. The Death Note will be rendered useless if the victim's name is misspelled four times.

28. "Suicide" is a valid cause of death. Basically, all humans are thought to possess the possibility to commit suicide, it is, therefore, not something "unbelievable to think of".

29. Whether the cause of the individual's death is either a suicide or accident, if the death leads to the death of more than the intended, the person will simply die of a heart attack. This is to ensure that other lives are not influenced.

…Yeah… I also know that it's confusing, but I will, in the future, use the DEATH NOTE in this story….oh and by the way, I thank ye who has read/ is reading this story, especially my reviewers! 

O.O(txt)/((O.O))(txt): expression

((O.O)): (blushing)

object: what a card or piece of paper has written on it

Name: txt: what one person is saying

Name: txtName: txt: two people talking (saying different words) at the same time

(Parentheses): place/time/doing something whilst speaking/necessary info/hidden faq/etc

Brackets: person (unknown or otherwise)

CAPS BRACKETS: cast/crew/other

"Curly-brackets: "time-card"

_italics_: thinking/dream/on non-communication based screens

_**Bold italics**_: (foreign/dead languages)/incantations/(bijuu's) voice in thought/dream/on a screen (not including communication-based ones)

**Bold**: bijuu's voice

Underlined: song lyrics

_**Disclaimer**_: I own nothing but myself and Yamata, Shiro

end of a/n

-The battle against the fanpeople is won. "'Fluffy' the Balrog" and "the murderous crab named 'Ozwald'" have returned to 's Fan Fiction Archive. But not all things are to be celebrated… especially for Sasuke (Itachi was brought back)-


	11. fishing on Timeless River part I

a/n

a/n

WE'RE GOING FISHING! IN TIMLESS RIVER! Oh and thanks to you, my reviewers:

Deidara-Kun-Fangirl

KillerLiger3000

HinataMusaCorneliaRenee

Originalatorian

O.O(txt)/((O.O))(txt): expression

((O.O)): (blushing)

object: what a card or piece of paper has written on it

Name: txt: what one person is saying

Name: txtName: txt: two people talking (saying different words) at the same time

(Parentheses): place/time/doing something whilst speaking/necessary info/hidden faq/etc

Brackets: person (unknown or otherwise)

CAPS BRACKETS: cast/crew/other

"Curly-brackets: "time-card"

_italics_: thinking/dream/on non-communication based screens

_**Bold italics**_: (foreign/dead languages)/incantations/(bijuu's) voice in thought/dream/on a screen (not including communication-based ones)

**Bold**: bijuu's voice

Underlined: song lyrics

_**Disclaimer**_: I own nothing but myself and Yamata, Shiro

end of a/n

(the Akatsuki base, meeting room)

-all of Akatsuki is there-

Pein: guess what everyone! We're goin' on a vacation for once!

all: WOOT!!

Pein: any suggestions as to where?

-only KoR raises his hand to answer-

Pein: alright my good friend, where shall we go?

KoR: how about we go fishing on Timeless River?

all: YEAH!

Tobi: I say we invite everyone (meaning Naruto, Hinata, Hanabi, Neji, Lee, Shiro, Sasuke, Sakura, Shikamaru, Tenten, Temari, Shizune, and Tsunade)!

all: -agrees in a LOUD AS HELL way-

some time later

-everyone's on a boat on some river, but everything that's 4 feet away (and decreasing) down stream is black-and-white-

all but Shiro and KoR: OO WHAT THE F--!?

-they pass through, the fishing boat turns into a steamboat, and the passing seems to have a strange effect on them…-

(cabin)

-the Original Akatsuki members are standing on a table, Naruto, Shiro, Hinata, and Hanabi walk in…-

O/A: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!

Naruto: Who are you?

Pein: We are the Knights Who Say... Ni!

Naruto: No! Not the Knights Who Say Nee!

Pein: The same!

BEDEMIR: Who are they?

Pein: We are the keepers of the sacred words: Ni, Pen, and

Ni-wom!

RANDOM: Ni-wom!

Naruto: Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale!

Pein: The Knights Who Say Ni demand a sacrifice!

Naruto: Knights of Nee, we are but simple travelers who seek the

Enchanter who lives beyond these woods.

O/A: Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!

Naruto, Hinata, Hanabi, and Shiro: ow, ow!

Pein: We shall say 'nee' again to you if you do not appease us.

Naruto: Well, what is it you want?

Pein: We want... a shrubbery!

-dramatic chord-

Naruto: A what?

Pein: Ni! Ni!

Naruto, Hinata, Hanabi, and Shiro: ow, ow!

Naruto: Please, please! No more! We shall find a shrubbery.

Pein: You must return here with a shrubbery or else you will

never pass through this wood alive!

Naruto: O Knights of Nee, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery.

Pein: One that looks nice.

Naruto: Of course.

Pein: And not too expensive.

Naruto: Yes.

Pein: Now... go!

(Deck, PILOT'S AREA)

Lee: (holding an object above his head, kneeling) "…And Saint Antioch raised the hand grenade up on high, saying,

'Oh, Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow

thy enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and

people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies,

and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large…"

(cabin)

Naruto: but our shenanigans are cheesy and fun…

Shiro: yeah and theirs are sad and tragic…

Sasuke: which makes them not really shenanigans at all…

Shikamaru: (utters) evil shenanigans--

KoR: I'm gonna pistol-whip the next guy who says "shenanigans"!

Naruto: …hey Farfa! What's the name of that restaurant you like?

Choji: (he's a stole way) you mean Shenanigan's? I know your talking about Shenanigan's.

(lower cabin)

DETHKLOK: -starts playing "through fire and flames" by DRAGONFORCE!-

Nathan Explosion: ON A COLD WINTER MORNING, IN A TIME BEFORE THE LIGHT…

(deck, pilot)

Classic Mickey: -steers the boat, while whistling a tune-

-suddenly the _Flying Dutchman_ surfaces alongside them-

Hidan: Lord almighty. Deliver us.

Jack Sparrow: -appears with the _Pearl_, out of nowhere- I'll handle this, mate.

-Jack grabs his jar of dirt, and struts across the deck, yelling to Davy Jones across the water between their ships-

Jack Sparrow: Hey! Fishface! Lose something? Hey? –trips- Oup!

Jack falls down the stairs of the _Pearl_

everyone on the _Willy_: Ooh!

Jack Sparrow**:** Got it! -holds up the jar of dirt while lying hidden behind the railing-

Jack stands up, struts across the deck, holding his jar of dirt

Jack Sparrow: Come to negotiate, eh, have you, you slimy git? Look what I got. sing-song I got a jar of dirt! I got a jar of dirt! And guess what's inside it?

Davy Jones: Enough!

-the _Flying Dutchman_'s cannon covers slide down, cannons emerge from the holes-

Jack Sparrow: (in a low voice) Hard to starboard.

Hanabi and Elizabeth: Hard to starboard!

Shiro and Will Turner: Brace up the foreyard!

-the _Willy_ escapes, but the _Pearl_ does not…-

(further downstream)

all: whew…

-everyone FINALLY gets to do some fishing, but guess who catches the biggest one…-

Naruto: -clinging to the rail and rod with all his strength for dear life, with help from everyone- OO HOLY CRAP!!

-Naruto JUST manages to reel it in, only to discover that he had caught…-

(a/n cliffhanger!)

--previews--

Shiro: HEY! Pein! DID YOU KNOW THAT ITACHI'S NAME ACTUALLY MEANS (censored to prevent spoilers)

Itachi: OO

All: NO! BUT I DO NOW!! XD

--

Itachi: -looks at the Kraken and grins/grimaces- …..hello beastie…. –draws a katana and does what Jack Sparrow did before the _Black Pearl_ was brought back down to the depths, only it is a rowboat and not the _Willy _or the_ Pearl_-

(far upstream)

Davy Jones: (looking at Itachi through a telescope) Uchiha, Itachi… your debt… is repaid! –closes telescope-

--end previews--

a/n

I know you're probably mad at me for the last chapter, but you know what!? -disappears through a portal that resembles the Twilight Zone spiral, and the Twilight Zone theme plays-

end of a/n


	12. fishing on Timeless River part II

a/n

a/n

HEY! GUESS WHAT! YOU KNOW THAT IF JACK SPARROW AND DAVY JONES SHOW UP IN THIS STORY, THEN THE KRAKEN MUST ALSO SHOW UP, RIGHT? WELL YOU'RE RIGHT!! IT'LL APPEAR IN THIS VERY CHAPTER!! :)

O.O(txt)/((O.O))(txt): expression

((O.O)): (blushing)

object: what a card or piece of paper has written on it

Name: txt: what one person is saying

Name: txtName: txt: two people talking (saying different words) at the same time

(Parentheses): place/time/doing something whilst speaking/necessary info/hidden faq/etc

Brackets: person (unknown or otherwise)

CAPS BRACKETS: cast/crew/other

"Curly-brackets: "time-card"

_Italics_: thinking/dream/on non-communication based screens

_**Bold italics**_: (foreign/dead languages)/incantations/(bijuu's) voice in thought/dream/on a screen (not including communication-based ones)

**Bold**: bijuu's voice

Underlined: song lyrics

_**Disclaimer**_: I own nothing but myself and Yamata, Shiro

end of a/n

(Singapore)

-some large group of people are about to be hanged, a small boy is one of the next set –

small boy: -looks at noose while fiddling with a coin-like object- (starts singing) Yo, ho,

haul together,  
hoist the colors high.  
Heave ho,  
thieves and beggars,  
never shall we die.

The king and his men  
stole the queen from her bed  
and bound her in her Bones.  
The seas be ours  
and by the powers  
where we will we'll roam.

(the rest of the condemned join in here) 

Yo, ho,

haul together,  
hoist the colors high.  
Heave ho,

thieves and beggars,  
never shall we die.

-the set with the boy is hanged, instantly goes from one screen to the next-

Elizabeth: -rowing a boat into Tortuga- Some men have died  
and some are alive  
and others sail on the sea  
– with the keys to the cage...  
and the Devil to pay  
we lay to Fiddler's Green!

The bell has been raised  
from it's watery grave...  
Do you hear it's sepulchral tone?  
We are a call to all,  
pay head the squall  
and turn your sail toward home!

Yo, ho,

haul together,  
hoist the colors high.  
Heave ho,--

Asian looking pirate:  thieves and beggars,  
never shall we die.

That's a dangerous song to be singin' lass…

-fade-out-

seven days earlier

(timeless river)

Will: Where's Jack?

Elizabeth: He elected to stay behind to give us a chance. Go!

-Cut back to Jack handcuffed to the mast.-

Jack: Bugger! Bugger! Bugger! Bugger! C'mon! -He sees a lamp and reaches it with his sword, breaks it on the mast and lets the oil drip onto his hand so he can slide out of the handcuffs. All this while the Kraken is seen emerging behind him. Jack turns to face the Kraken's mouth and gets majorly slimed. Wipes slime from his face.- Not so bad. -sees his hat- Oh! –puts it on, faces Kraken's mouth- Hello, Beastie.

-Jack looks like he's "charging into it's mouth" and about to swing his sword as it "devours" him-

-Cut to crew in longboat who watch as Kraken sinks the Pearl, notably without cracking it in half like the other ships. Davy Jones watches through his spyglass.-

Davy Jones: Jack Sparrow, your debt is settled. –Closes spyglass-

Coralface: The captain goes down with his ship.

Hammerhead: Turns out not even Jack Sparrow can best the Devil.

Davy Jones: Open the chest. Open the chest, I need to see it! -Chest is opened; it's empty.- Damn you Jack SPARROW!!

(further downstream)

-the _Willy_ makes a quick stop to find more supplies-

(nearby town)

Naruto: Old crone! Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy

a shrubbery!

-Dramatic chord-

CRONE: Who sent you?

Naruto: The Knights Who Say Ni.

CRONE: Agh! No! Never! We have no shrubberies here.

Naruto: If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friends

and I will say... we will say... ni'.

CRONE: Agh! Do your worst!

Naruto: Very well! If you will not assist us voluntarily,... ni!

CRONE: No! Never! No shrubberies!

Naruto: Ni!

Shiro, Hanabi, and Hinata: Noo! Noo!

Naruto: No, no, no, no -- it's not that, it's 'ni'.

Shiro, Hanabi, and Hinata: Noo!

Naruto: Not, no -- 'ni'. You're not doing it properly.

Shiro, Hanabi, and Hinata: Noo! Ni!

Naruto: That's it, that's it, you've got it.

Naruto, Hinata, Shiro, and Hanabi: Ni! Ni!

ROGER: Are you saying 'ni' to that old woman?

Naruto: Um, yes.

ROGER: Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say ni'

at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing

is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under

considerable economic stress at this period in history.

Naruto: Did you say shrubberies'?

ROGER: Yes, shrubberies are my trade -- I am a shrubber. My name

is Roger the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.

Shiro, Hanabi, and Hinata: Ni!

Naruto: No! No, no, no! No!

-they buy the shrubbery and take it back to the boat

some time later

Naruto: O, Knights of Ni, we have brought you your shrubbery. May we

go now?

Pein: It is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly.

But there is one small problem.

Naruto: What is that?

HEAD KNIGHT: We are now... no longer the Knights Who Say Ni.

RANDOM: Ni!

HEAD KNIGHT: Shh shh. We are now the Knights Who Say Ecky-ecky-ecky-

ecky-pikang-zoom-boing-mumble-mumble-drek…ni.

RANDOM: Ni!

Pein: Therefore, we must give you a test.

Naruto: What is this test, O Knights of-- Knights Who 'Til Recently

Said Ni?

Pein: Firstly, you must find... another shrubbery!

-dramatic chord-

Naruto: Not another shrubbery!

Pein: Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place

it here beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get a

two-level effect with a little path running down the middle.

RANDOM: A path! A path! Ni!

Pein: Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut

down the mightiest tree in the forest... with... a herring!

-dramatic chord-

Naruto: We shall do no such thing!

Pein: Oh, please!

Naruto: Cut down a tree with a herring? It can't be done.

KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh! Aaaugh!

Pein: Don't say that word.

Naruto: What word?

Pein: I cannot tell, suffice to say is one of the words

the Knights of Ni cannot hear.

Naruto: How can we not say the word if you don't tell us what it is?

KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh! Aaaugh!

Naruto: What, is'?

HEAD KNIGHT: No, not is' -- we couldn't get vary far in life not

saying is'.

Shiro: My liege, it's Sir Robin!

MINSTREL (singing): Packing it in and packing it up

And sneaking away and buggering up

And chickening out and pissing about

Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge

Naruto: Oh, Robin!

Robin/Neji: My liege! It's good to see you!

O/A: Aaaaugh!

Pein: He said the word!

Naruto: Surely you've not given up your quest for the Holy Grail?

MINSTREL (singing): He is sneaking away and buggering up--

Neji: Shut up! No, no no-- far from it.

Pein: He said the word again!

Neji: I was looking for it.

O/A: Aaaaugh!

Neji: Uh, here, here in this forest.

Naruto: No, it is far from--

O/A: Aaaaugh!

Pein: Aaaaugh! Stop saying the word!

Naruto: Oh, stop it!

O/A: Aaaaugh!

Pein: Oh! He said 'it' again!

Naruto: Patsy!

Pein: Aaugh! I said 'it'! I said 'it'! Ooh! I said 'it' again!

O/A: Aaaaugh!

Hiashi: -appears out of nowhere- IT! IT! IT! IT! IT! IT! IT! IT! IT! IT! IT! IT! IT! IT! IT! IT!

Itachi: OO Aaaaugh! I cant take it any more! –leaves cabin, enters and deploys a life boat, rows away upstream, with no progress-

one minute later

-we come back to where Naruto barely has a grip on the pole-

Naruto: HOLY CRAP! –reels it in, to find that he's caught the KRAKEN!!1!!- I JUST CHAUGHT THE KRAKEN!!

Shiro: HEY! Pein! DID YOU KNOW THAT ITACHI'S NAME ACTUALLY MEANS (censored to prevent spoilers)

Itachi: OO

All: NO! BUT I DO NOW!! XD

Itachi: -cuts line after a picture of Naruto (and his catch, with Hinata at his side) is taken- I'LL BUY YOU ALL SOME TIME!! GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE!

-the Kraken slowly comes up behind Itachi after the _Willy_ is a safe distance away, Itachi turns to face it's mouth…-

(on the _Willy_)

DETHKLOK: -plays "Devil Went Down to Georgia"-

(back with Itachi)

Itachi: -looks at the Kraken and grins/grimaces- …..hello beastie…. –draws a katana and does what Jack Sparrow did before the _Black Pearl_ was brought back down to the depths, only he also uses _**Amatarasu**_ and it is a rowboat and not the _Willy _or the_ Pearl_-

(far upstream)

Davy Jones: (looking at Itachi through a telescope) Uchiha, Itachi… your debt… is repaid! –closes telescope-

(back on the _Willy_)

-song ends-

Tenten: these boots were made for walkin' that's just what they'll do, one of these days these boots are gonna walk-all-over-you.

Naruto: …(to Neji) you broke the moonshine…

Neji: -sigh…-

Naruto: which side do you want it? Right or left?

Neji: -groan- left--

Naruto: -whacks Neji up-side the head with a phonebook-

Sasuke and Sakura: -sings karaoke: School of Rock and Lynard Skynard edition-

Tsunade and Shizune: -pulls something from a random movie-

KoR: -buys weed from Zetsu-

--previews--

-I am going to make a "branch-story" before the next chapter

--end preview--

bet you cant wait for the next part and/or the branch-story!! Read and review people!


	13. Timeless River Part III

a/n

Go to and look up "Legend of Zelda Four Swords Misadventures" when you are done with your review(s) for this chapter…AWAKEN: MUSTA KRAKISH!!

_**Disclaimer**_: I do not own anything but Myself, Shiro, Doom-no-Jutsu, and Resident-Evil-no-Jutsu.

end of a/n

(Timeless River, Pier)

-yours truly (the writer of this fanfic, Randoglious, Draconus III (the King of Randomness), is explaining that they'll be going downriver to some mansion, when…LUIGI FROM MARIO BROS. JUMPS IN FROM OUT OF NOWHERE AND SAYS…-

Luigi: THAT'S MAMA LUIGI TO YOU MARIO!

Original tv series Robotnik: (screaming into a phone) I want KFC pronto!

Green Link: ok… who's idea was it to look here for Vaati's palace?

Red Link and Blue link: -starts looking at Purple Link-

KoR: if you want to know where to look, it's right past the mansion I just mentioned… you just have to get through certain things plus the portal to the Twilight Realm. (those of you whom had already seen part of the Four Swords Misadventures series on Youtube or some other sight, you should know what I mean.)

Everyone but the four Links, Luigi, and CTVS Robotnik: Oo ??

KoR: you will all find out soon enough…and for Din, Forore, and Nayru's sake, Purple, Blue, and Green, keep that Super Cuccou away from Red!

-Red Link was about to attempt eating it again, when he suddenly remembered that it could go "something like Super Sayan", and slowly backed away…-

Red: OO -suddenly remembering- OK! I'LL NEVER EAT A KAKARIKO FRIED CUCCOU AS LONG AS I LIVE!!

All: Oo ??

KoR: -snaps his fingers and a screen appears-

Screen: -shows the LoZ Four Swords Misadventures series-

some time later

All: OOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh!!...-bursts out laughing at Red-

KoR: (the only one other than the four Links that kept a straight face) ok everyone on to the ship!

-Indiana Jones suddenly appears, not the one from Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, but the one from the original three movies.-

Indi (short for "Indiana Jones"): OO WHAT THE F-bleep- THEY COULD HAVE GIVEN ME A BETTER DEATH THAN THAT! I MEAN REALLY. WHY THE –bleep- WOULD I WANT A MAJIC MIRROR!?

-With thant, the screen disappears, and everyone gets on the boat-

a/n

OMG! THEY KILLED INDI!GET UP ON THE HYDRA'S BACK!! Seriously, you've got to see that series that I showed to everyone in the fanfic.

end of a/n


	14. Timeless River Part IV: talking

a/n

a/n

sorry for the long wait everyone! I just had to keep working on my talk show, which my ever-faithful reviewer, Deidara-kun Fangirl, never reviewed for some strange reason…oh well…and now for the return of "A Day in the Life of Akatsuki"!

_**Disclaimer**_: seriously, I think I've said it enough times… I DON'T OWN ANYTHING BUT DOOM-NO-JUTSU, RESIDENT EVIL NO JUTSU, RANDOMNIGAN, MYSELF, AND YAMATA, SHIRO.

end of a/n

Uncharted Voice: previously on A.D.i.t.L.o.t.A.: everyone was about to get onto the ship…and go to the Resident Evil Mansion!

KoR: oookaaaay…anyway, on with the show!

(the _Willy_, cabin)

-Shiro and Hanabi are talking over what to do about the zombies when they get there, when another portal opens and Hiashi climbs through-

Hiashi: :)

Shiro: Hiashi…remember the talk show…

Hiashi: Oo talk show? What talk sh- -suddenly remembers what happened during the show- OO

Shiro: remember our little post-fight agreement?

Hiashi: OO _oh sh-t!_

Shiro: I don't think you'd want to be going back on your word, or I might send you into the world of HALO, and you'll have to deal with the Flood Juggernaut without chakra…

(a/n for those of you who play HALO, the flood juggernaut IS a monster that you can fight, but to unlock it, you have to go DEEP into HALO 2's files and well…unlock him, but if it hits you, instant DEATH! And also, since it lacks a death animation, it just freezes when it dies.)

Hiashi: good point… well made…so…where are we going?

Shiro: -opens his mouth to speak-

Hanabi: some mansion down the river…

Shiro: couldn't have said it better my self…

KoR: -comes in through the door- we'll be arriving soon…get ready for a sea of zombies.

Hiashi: zombies? Oo…-comes to a realization- YOUR GOING TO THE RESIDENT EVIL MANSION!?

Shiro: yeah, but you don't need to worry about zombies as long as I'm here, for I AM the guardian of the Necronomicon! 

Hiashi: WHAT!?

Shiro: that's right! I can kill them all with three little Latin words, i.e. _**KLAATU VERATA NEKTO**_. That is also why I have this ring right here –raises his right hand, to show a silver ring with an emerald in it, an image from the Necronomicon can be seen in the gem-

a/n

cliffhanger

end of a/n

--previews--

-Kakuzu and Sasori can be seen being ripped apart by zombies-

--end of previews--

a/n

so what do you guys (and gals) think? And don't say I didn't mention Akatsuki, cuz Kakuzu and Sasori are mentioned in the previews.

end of a/n


	15. Timeless River V: arms,how to's,&reasons

a/n

I can't believe the fact that I got SO MANY REVIEWS for this fanfic, yet so few for the talk show. Oh well…

_**Disclaimer**_: -surrounded by lawyers (one of them being the one that got O.J. Simpson cleared) once again- I own nothing but Ranomnigan, DOOM no jutsu, Resident Evil no jutsu, Yamata, SHiro, and myself… -all lawyers disappear- I OWN EVERYTHING! –gets tackled by M.I.B. again, then after getting up, gets tackled again by the F.C.C.- DAMMIT!! NOT AGAIN!!

Shiro: you should have learned your lesson the first time this happened.

KoR: all I wanted was a good Disclaimer and a chance to think of the moment I get to use MY DEATH NOTE…TT

Shiro: His Royally Random Majesty does not own Naruto, DEATH NOTE, Metalocalypse, MIB, Kingdom Hearts, or any other series referenced in this fanfic, or any other one that he has made as a matter of fact. He doesn't even own Trogdor, The BURNINATOR!!

end of a/n

(Timeless River, cabin of the _Willy_)

Hiashi: WHY IN (insert whatever diety/dieties you believe in here) ARE WE GOING TO THE RESIDENT EVIL MANSION!?

KoR: Saddler and I have a score to settle…

Captain Pete: -enters from the door- we're going to have to stop here for a while… need to restock on supplies…(and fuel)

KoR: okay then… but be ready for zombies…-hands Pete an AK47- if you happen to find any, shoot them down with this. Aim for the head. Oh and they usually make groans that sound like the word "brains".

Pete: you can count on me! …wait a minute! This is a Soviet firearm!

KoR: stole it from the Reds (Soviet Union) I did! Almost got killed though… and don't worry about reloading it. I used my author powers to give it (and the other guns that I own) unlimited ammo. All you have to do is if it clicks all you need to do is pull that lever on the side to cock it, and the only way it can possibly jam is if you use bullets that are either faulty or to big/small, and it is so easy to use that a kid can use it, and they do. And remember: when it comes to zombies, AIM FOR THE HEAD! And one more thing, guard the ship with your life, and what ever you do, do NOT let them bite OR scratch you, unless you want to become one of them. Shoot anything that tries to attack you.

Pete: OO okay, I understands.

Shiro: captain, be sure to give these to the rest of the ships crew, and tell them that a talk show host that happens to be the adopted son of an author told you to do so, and give them the same instructions that His Royally Random Majesty gave you. –hands Pete some guns with the same amount as the AK47 that KoR gave him-

Pete: o-okay…-does so-

Hiashi: as I was saying, WHY THE F-CK ARE WE GOUBG TO THE RESIDENT EVIL MANSION!?

KoR: just as I said, 1. Saddler and I have a score to settle. 2. we need to destroy that mansion before the T-Virus and G-Virus fall into the hands of those who would use it for evil, and/or at least try to contain it.

Hiashi: Okay… I understand….I think…but what if we run into Davy Jones again?

Shiro: I'll take care of him.

Hiashi: how do you plan on doing that?

Shiro: you know the song "The Devil Went Down to Georgia", by the Charlie Daniels band?

Hiashi: you can play that song!?

Shiro: yup!

Hiashi: wait…which version? Fiddle (violin) or Guitar/sitar?

Shiro: both, but I usually let Naruto-dono handle the guitar version, for that can only be used against demons that exist in the years starting from the years that the electric guitar first existed, along with the concept of Metal.

Hiashi: NARUTO CAN ALSO PLAY THAT SONG!?

Shiro: I just said that…

-suddenly, time stops for everyone but Shiro, and Demyx from Kingdom Hearts can be seen coming in, only, his hood is up-

Shiro: -realizing what had just happened-OO…-sees Demyx with his hood up- who are you!?

Denyx: -keeps his hood up, and then he and Shiro are in the same place that Roxas and Sora first fought, has his sitar ready-

Shiro: OO a fight you want? Okay…-takes out his own sitar- bring it on!

(a/n) for those of you who don't know what a sitar is, it is a type of guitar that originated in…was it China or Japan?…well…unlike a guitar, it is plucked instead of played via a pick or a bow. But unlike ordinary sitars, Shiro's sitar and Demyx's sitar both have the ability to control warter.(end of a/n)

--previews--

Shiro and Demyx: DANCE WATER DANCE!

--

Shiro: WHY IS EVERYONE IN ORGANIZATION XIII CALLING ME DEMYX!? WHO THE HECK IS DEMYX!?

KoR: Shiro, Demyx, is your (CENSORED DUE TO SPOILERS!)

--

-Kakuzu and Sasori are being ripped apart by Zombies-

--

KoR: -points at Saddler- you were the chosen one!

--end previews--

Well…except for maybe the last one. I'll just make a pole on whether or not you want me to tell Saddler that he was the "chosen one"…

a/n

Sorry about delaying the Deaths of Sasori and Kakuzu. I just thought it would make more sense to arm the _Willy_'s crew, and provide a reason to go to the Resident Evil mansion.

end of a/n


	16. Timeless River Part VI: SvsD & a sequal

a/n

a/n

I bet you all thought I was dead! You did, didn't you? But I'm still alive and kickin'!

end of a/n

(??)

-Shiro and Demyx, who has his hood already up, both have their sitars ready for battle.-

Shiro and Demyx: DANCE WATER DANCE! –they start playing their sitars, and massive amounts of clone-like shapes of water are charging (or should I say GLIDING quickly) at each other whilst swinging water-sitars, destroying it's other on impact-

Demyx: nice…

Shiro: likewise.

Demyx: -does a form of "power slide" while playing the sitars, surrounding himself with columns of water that "jet" straight from the ground.-

Shiro: -dodges, then counterattacks with his own "power slide" and water column attack-

Demyx: -jumps up into the air, plays the sitar, and sends a rain of orbs of water at Shiro-

Shiro: -blocks them with his own orbs of water-

Demyx: -lands- okay…

Shiro: …it's time…

Shiro and Demyx: for round two! DANCE WATER DANCE! –this time, even a much higher numbers of clone like water figures wielding water sitars come forth and attack each other.

-after a few hours of this bizarre cycle, they end with clones again and Demyx disappears-

Shiro: -closes his eyes and swings his sitar in a full circle, hitting Demyx from behind him-

Demyx: OO…-drops the sitar, which turns into water and disappears…-his hood falls off here-…….you make…a good "other"…

Shiro: Oo

-suddenly, a light flashes, and Shiro is suddenly back in the cabin, back in his seat, sitar put away, and sees a cloaked figure walking away…about a second later, time continues were it left off -

Shiro: did…did any of you just see that!?

Hanabi: did any of us see what?

Shiro: I just saw someone in a black coat walk by and disappear…

Hiashi: black coat eh? Well a black coat means Organization XIII!

Hanabi: which one was it? Or did you see his face?

Shiro: well I DIDN'T see his face, but I do know that he uses a sitar that, JUST like mine, that can control the element of water.

KoR: OO okay I think I know who it is you speak of…

All but KoR and Shiro: WHO!?

KoR: I'll save that for when we get to our destination…and to get there, we need to go through The World that Never Was……..

All but KoR and Shiro: OO

Shiro: oh and don't worry about the Heartless or the Nobodies. We've got him –points at KoR- on our side. But we STILL have zombies to deal with. Now KoR's powers will be useless against them.

KoR: … OO hey…wait a minute!

(the other side of Timeless River)

-everyone's getting off the _Willy_, and after everyone's off, KoR pays Captain Pete a hefty amount of cash-

KoR: (in an English accent) Thank you for the ride, good sir!

Pete: no! thank you! –starts to drive off…- _well, at least there weren't any "zombies" or whatever that really pale kid called them…and I got a large amount of munny too! _

KoR: -waits for the _Willy_ to disappear into the distance- okay…and now…-snaps his fingers and his trademark portal appears- okay everyone in!

Everyone but KoR: -goes through the portal, unwary that it actually goes into the world that never was-

KoR: now then…Nightshade of …we shall see…who's the better author…

-cliffhanger-

a/n

sorry I couldn't finish the chapter, but I promise I'll have it done as soon as I can. That and it just made so much sense to end it here. Oh and btw this is the last chapter for book one of A Day in the Life of Akatsuki. You can expect book two to come out over the course of the summer.

end of a/n


End file.
